This week, our cube-cows discover the official company language: not English, not moo, just wall-to-wall ACR.

This week, our cube-cows prove we rise together: some rise vertically, others rise mainly in lower-back pain statistics.

This week, management refreshes Our Values: think big, collaborate often, but don’t go overboard.

This week, the herd experiments with boundaries; management helpfully rebrands them as growth opportunities.

This week, the robots do almost all the work and our cube-cows still commute, for the culture, of course, not the purpose.

This week, our cube-cows learn the true meaning of TLA: Three-Letter Acronym, also known as ‘strategy, but shorter.’

This week, we optimize AI the old-fashioned way: less guidance, more performance reviews.

This week, AI arrives to ‘unlock our potential’, and quietly locks the herd into a lifetime of premium vendor subscriptions.

This week, the bell curve decides who ‘exceeds expectations’ and who just needs more cowbell.

This week, our cube‑cows are freaking out about AGI, while the only one actually up for any work is still the rubber duck.