This week, we optimize AI the old-fashioned way: less guidance, more performance reviews.

This week, AI arrives to ‘unlock our potential’, and quietly locks the herd into a lifetime of premium vendor subscriptions.

This week, the bell curve decides who ‘exceeds expectations’ and who just needs more cowbell.

This week, our cube‑cows are freaking out about AGI, while the only one actually up for any work is still the rubber duck.

This week, our cube-cows are all in on SMART culture: your passion is ours now; Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-bound.

This week, our free-range knowledge cows get open pens, bottomless coffee, and just enough fence to keep the ideas from wandering off.

This week, our cow-workers discover AI ‘personalization’ for cognitive work: different brains, the same five tasks, one perfectly optimized herd.

This week, our cow-workers are standardising their deterministic mooo’s so the AI never has to wonder what kind of bull they meant.

This week, our cow-workers embrace office AI: less thinking, more moooosic, and the same old corporate bull.